So I'm home alone again and I haven't 'hopped on the treadmill' or any such nonsense OBVIOUSLY. More likely I hopped into bed. I was shattered because baby had a bad night and I spent most of the night awake, and then when I finally did drop off he woke up again at 6am full of beans.
Good news is I weighed myself (I know I know I said I wouldn't) ad I'm 82.9 kilos, this means I'm only three kilos away from my pre pre pregnancy weight. That isn't a typo, I mean I was 79 kilos for years and then we decided to try for a baby, and I'd read that statically it's easier to get pregnant if you're neither overweight nor underweight and so I worked really hard and lost 10 kilos, then immediately I fell pregnant!
So, although my dream weight is 69 kilos, seeing as I was 79 for ages that'd be good too. at least as a start...
Managing to control myself as far as eating goes, practically skipped lunch today as was working from 1pm til 8:30pm and didn't suffer too much.
still feeling pretty positive.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
I feeeel good neneneneNE
I knew that I would now!
Nothing special has happened, I haven't weighed myself or managed to get into my size 12 jeans. I just feel GOOD! I think it'ds because I'm successfully managing to avoid exercise (joke) I mean bad eating habits. Eating kilos of salad, cottage cheese and fruit, and I DO feel slimmer and more optomistic.
Yesterday went to a birthday party for a 1 year old, which was thankfully quite healthy. They had chosed an Arabic menu which was also delicious! Vegetarian couscous, totally yummy, flat bread with local honey, dates stuffed with almonds and little biscuits filled with dates and ground pistachio. I did eat about 5 biscuits whilst waiting for the couscous to get served...
Halfway through the party a truly tropical storm started and we got drenched! So at grandma's house I put on an old pair of my husband's jeans and have to admit they were a little tight. However the positive thing is I had to stop eating because I felt sick with them on. Very lucky, because for those of you who know from previous posts, my Mother-in-law is a goddess in the kitchen and in typical Italian style keeps piling dishes magically onto the table from the fridge which act as if it's the wardrobe in 'The Chronicles of Narnia'.
A good thing did happen though when I tried to put on a pair of exercise pants I'd hidden at the back of the drawer because this time I actually managed to get them over my thighs and on! I really hope I'm on my way. I accept soon I'll have to start exercising too, but it feels more 'doable' now I have three mornings a week to myself. When I don't have students I can hop on the treadmill or have a bounce on my rebounder or even skip for a bit! And I will! Honestly, truly.
Nothing special has happened, I haven't weighed myself or managed to get into my size 12 jeans. I just feel GOOD! I think it'ds because I'm successfully managing to avoid exercise (joke) I mean bad eating habits. Eating kilos of salad, cottage cheese and fruit, and I DO feel slimmer and more optomistic.
Yesterday went to a birthday party for a 1 year old, which was thankfully quite healthy. They had chosed an Arabic menu which was also delicious! Vegetarian couscous, totally yummy, flat bread with local honey, dates stuffed with almonds and little biscuits filled with dates and ground pistachio. I did eat about 5 biscuits whilst waiting for the couscous to get served...
Halfway through the party a truly tropical storm started and we got drenched! So at grandma's house I put on an old pair of my husband's jeans and have to admit they were a little tight. However the positive thing is I had to stop eating because I felt sick with them on. Very lucky, because for those of you who know from previous posts, my Mother-in-law is a goddess in the kitchen and in typical Italian style keeps piling dishes magically onto the table from the fridge which act as if it's the wardrobe in 'The Chronicles of Narnia'.
A good thing did happen though when I tried to put on a pair of exercise pants I'd hidden at the back of the drawer because this time I actually managed to get them over my thighs and on! I really hope I'm on my way. I accept soon I'll have to start exercising too, but it feels more 'doable' now I have three mornings a week to myself. When I don't have students I can hop on the treadmill or have a bounce on my rebounder or even skip for a bit! And I will! Honestly, truly.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Fat = protection?
I didn't manage to get my tush out of bed and get out for a walk. In fact I stayed in all day today. I was doing heavy duty housework though. Moving heavy furniture and exterminating the ants' nest which was hidden behind my dresser full of pots and pans. This exercise also gave me the ideal opportunity to sort out a cupboard in which I have been hoarding beauty and slimming products. OUT fake tan spray, OUT glittery sun tan cream, OUT cloggy mascara. But I did dust off my slimming clay, now I have a little more time to myself I should be able to fit that in once a week, I rediscovered a cellulite massage roller and cream which I will start using morning and evening too. Why not? Otherwise I might as well chuck it out.
I feel like this 'clean and clear' is rejuvenating, energising. It must be linked to the reasons I let myself put on too much weight in the first place. It's so clear to me that being fat, for me, is totally tied up in not caring about myself, not loving myself. I was fat as a teenager too, and that happened when I lost my self esteem. I started to pig out on chocolate and snacks and just got bigger and bigger. I have been a yo-yo dieter all my life when I look back. Puberty and going on the pill at 16 took its toll on my figure, depression stepped in at 18 and it wasn't until I was 20something I found the gym and started to find myself. When I got depressed I stopped eating and lost weight in an unhealthy way, but was unable to keep it off, naturally. It also meant when I met guys interested in me I didn't trust them because I knew that they would have never shown an interest when I was fat.
Now it's different, this fat is complacency. I'm married, I've got a beautiful little boy and I feel good! Good enough to let myself go, secure might be a better word. And it's not positive. That's what I mean about tidying out my cupboards. Let go of all that junk, you are secure in the world, you don't need to hold on to that old crap, nor your fat. You are divinely protected and loved and you don't need cushions of fat to protect you, nor do you need useless stuff clogging up your life.
I feel like this 'clean and clear' is rejuvenating, energising. It must be linked to the reasons I let myself put on too much weight in the first place. It's so clear to me that being fat, for me, is totally tied up in not caring about myself, not loving myself. I was fat as a teenager too, and that happened when I lost my self esteem. I started to pig out on chocolate and snacks and just got bigger and bigger. I have been a yo-yo dieter all my life when I look back. Puberty and going on the pill at 16 took its toll on my figure, depression stepped in at 18 and it wasn't until I was 20something I found the gym and started to find myself. When I got depressed I stopped eating and lost weight in an unhealthy way, but was unable to keep it off, naturally. It also meant when I met guys interested in me I didn't trust them because I knew that they would have never shown an interest when I was fat.
Now it's different, this fat is complacency. I'm married, I've got a beautiful little boy and I feel good! Good enough to let myself go, secure might be a better word. And it's not positive. That's what I mean about tidying out my cupboards. Let go of all that junk, you are secure in the world, you don't need to hold on to that old crap, nor your fat. You are divinely protected and loved and you don't need cushions of fat to protect you, nor do you need useless stuff clogging up your life.
Friday, September 20, 2013
motivation level is high
I thought I'd try and discipline myself to blogging more, at least 5 times a week if possible, it might keep up my motivation, knowing I'm going to check in to my blog.
Today I was all on my lonesome as hubby took baby to nursery and then went to work on our land and they're both sleeping up at Granma's tonight 'cos tomorrow he's got an early start and I've got students.
If you don't know me personally you might be interested to know I'm an English teacher, I teach privately and although I didn't expect it when I did my teaching certificate, I love my job. I count myself really lucky, I get to stay at home and work with lovely people (mostly) and my job is satisfying and fulfilling.
The down side for my figure is it's totally sedentary. I used to work in my shop and every day walked there and back, sometimes four times a day which clocked up around 5 kilometres. nowadays the most exercise I get is a walk to the supermarket, unless I get my bod out of bed and go for a walk-jog-run-shuffle (please see previous posts for details).
Unfortunately I hurt my achilles tendon over the summer and I'm a bit wary of overdoing it, although if I wake up early tomorrow I will get my butt down to the seafront to clear the cobwebs, take it easy but at least wibble wobble a bit more.
Do you ever wonder where other people buy their clothes? I seem to have trouble finding jeans to fit, I mean I know I'm big, but this morning on my trek to the supermarket there were two ladies in front of me who were amply proportioned, I would swear they have bigger bums than mine, although it made me wonder actually, seeing as obviously you can't really appreciate how big it is unless someone walks behind you and videos it...not a pretty thought! So I'm wondering where do all these big ladies shop? Is it just me? Or am I bigger than I like to believe...
It's a kind of cold comfort when you see someone bigger than you, I mentally ask myself how I measure up in comparison and although a grim satisfaction seeps in when I decide I'm NOT that fat, a little voice breaks through my subconcious asking 'how long 'til you ARE?'. And that's why I have to stop this onwards march towards sure doom. I realised I really don't want to be sixty and still harping on about diets. I managed to stop smoking, I stopped drinking coffee which I NEVER could have imagined, I have a jar of unopened Nutella in the cupboard and three bars of chocolate which twenty years ago was unthinkable. If I can achieve that, then why not the ultimate self sacrifice in order to live life better?
Today I managed to stick to eating little portions, even at supper when I had fresh pasta and homemade ragu, I had fruit afterwards oh yes and a blob of ice-cream which had been rattling around the freezer with noone to talk to. I've started drinking low alchohol beer to still enjoy a drink but cut down on the calories. And I consider it a major success that I got round the supermarket without putting gorgozola, olives, wine or ice cream into my basket.
Here I come in my size 12 jeans!!!
Today I was all on my lonesome as hubby took baby to nursery and then went to work on our land and they're both sleeping up at Granma's tonight 'cos tomorrow he's got an early start and I've got students.
If you don't know me personally you might be interested to know I'm an English teacher, I teach privately and although I didn't expect it when I did my teaching certificate, I love my job. I count myself really lucky, I get to stay at home and work with lovely people (mostly) and my job is satisfying and fulfilling.
The down side for my figure is it's totally sedentary. I used to work in my shop and every day walked there and back, sometimes four times a day which clocked up around 5 kilometres. nowadays the most exercise I get is a walk to the supermarket, unless I get my bod out of bed and go for a walk-jog-run-shuffle (please see previous posts for details).
Unfortunately I hurt my achilles tendon over the summer and I'm a bit wary of overdoing it, although if I wake up early tomorrow I will get my butt down to the seafront to clear the cobwebs, take it easy but at least wibble wobble a bit more.
Do you ever wonder where other people buy their clothes? I seem to have trouble finding jeans to fit, I mean I know I'm big, but this morning on my trek to the supermarket there were two ladies in front of me who were amply proportioned, I would swear they have bigger bums than mine, although it made me wonder actually, seeing as obviously you can't really appreciate how big it is unless someone walks behind you and videos it...not a pretty thought! So I'm wondering where do all these big ladies shop? Is it just me? Or am I bigger than I like to believe...
It's a kind of cold comfort when you see someone bigger than you, I mentally ask myself how I measure up in comparison and although a grim satisfaction seeps in when I decide I'm NOT that fat, a little voice breaks through my subconcious asking 'how long 'til you ARE?'. And that's why I have to stop this onwards march towards sure doom. I realised I really don't want to be sixty and still harping on about diets. I managed to stop smoking, I stopped drinking coffee which I NEVER could have imagined, I have a jar of unopened Nutella in the cupboard and three bars of chocolate which twenty years ago was unthinkable. If I can achieve that, then why not the ultimate self sacrifice in order to live life better?
Today I managed to stick to eating little portions, even at supper when I had fresh pasta and homemade ragu, I had fruit afterwards oh yes and a blob of ice-cream which had been rattling around the freezer with noone to talk to. I've started drinking low alchohol beer to still enjoy a drink but cut down on the calories. And I consider it a major success that I got round the supermarket without putting gorgozola, olives, wine or ice cream into my basket.
Here I come in my size 12 jeans!!!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Secret dieter
Shhh! I'm trying again. It's an addiction. I'm embarassed about my inability to lose weight, my insufficient blogging and my general failure. So even though I've decided to carry on writing and letting it all hang out both figuratively and, unfortunately,actually, I want to let you know that you shouldn't expect great things from me or this blog. Don't start to read it hoping it will motivate you to lose weight, get fit or become sexier. Move on to the next one if that's what you're looking for. This is no place for genuine go getters!
Let's just keep it low key, just between you, me and the garden post. I haven't even told my husband, I'm just trying to eat less daily and waiting for the fat to decide there's a better place to hang out. Preferably on someone else's chin, thighs, buttocks...
In the meantime, my game plan is this, eat everything I want but a lot less of it.
For example I started weighing my pasta the other day, I'd heard a dieting 40 yr old woman (sigh) should have a portion weighing 50grams. Try it, put 50 grammes of pasta on the scales.
It is depressing, and scary to realise I''ve been used to eating four times that amount and now I started to wonder how will I survive? Well I bulked up on the pasta sauce, all made by me so I know there's no added sugar, salt or fat in fact my hubby already guessed I was back on the dieting wagon because the pasta sauce tasted 'insipid'. He gave me a meaningful look and said, 'You're going to tell me your back on a diet again aren't you?' I replied haughtily, 'I'm not going to tell you.' by which I mean literally don't worry your pretty little head I won't bore you with the humdrum details which torture me every waking moment.
Seriously though I realised it's been years since I've actually felt hunger, I mean that empty growling feeling in your stomach that won't leave you be. This is not good, it means I'm eating three times a day because that's what you do. So the other day I went to bed without any supper, just to see what would happen. I woke up feeling fine and I still wasn't hungry. I had breakfast though, because it is the most important meal of the day, isn't it? I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot.
Another thing I've noticed which has made me feel more motivated is a little bit of stretching in the morning, nothing special, a few shoulder rolls, a couple of deep breaths whilst raising my arms above my head. It feels great. I thought I'd do yoga in my ideal world, but I have to admit to myself I can't be bothered, I don't have the space in my room and the idea of throwing myself around first thing in the morning is less attractive than putting the kettle on and having a nice cup of tea.
I also decided to stop standing on the scales and to measure my success by the clothes I can't get into, or which I'm insisting on wearing even though they restrict my circulation and prevent me from sitting down comfortably. I had a wedding last weekend, and in my head I was going to wear a beautiful dress which I haven't worn for a while. I put it on and was shocked to see it no longer hung gracefully from my shoulders, lightly hugging my bosom and hips before falling to the floor, it was clingy and rucked up as I walked making me feel like a badly wrapped christmas present. Needless to say I had to shelve the dress and choose another 'post maternity' item which was decidely less glamorous.
I have jeans which I can only dream about getting past my knees and a whole pile of sports clothes which are gathering dust in the back of my wardrobe. I hope, by focussing on my size rather than my weight, to overcome my propensity to get depressed and pig out on ice cream and biscuits with a dollop of nutella on top for good measure.
Wish me luck!
Let's just keep it low key, just between you, me and the garden post. I haven't even told my husband, I'm just trying to eat less daily and waiting for the fat to decide there's a better place to hang out. Preferably on someone else's chin, thighs, buttocks...
In the meantime, my game plan is this, eat everything I want but a lot less of it.
For example I started weighing my pasta the other day, I'd heard a dieting 40 yr old woman (sigh) should have a portion weighing 50grams. Try it, put 50 grammes of pasta on the scales.
It is depressing, and scary to realise I''ve been used to eating four times that amount and now I started to wonder how will I survive? Well I bulked up on the pasta sauce, all made by me so I know there's no added sugar, salt or fat in fact my hubby already guessed I was back on the dieting wagon because the pasta sauce tasted 'insipid'. He gave me a meaningful look and said, 'You're going to tell me your back on a diet again aren't you?' I replied haughtily, 'I'm not going to tell you.' by which I mean literally don't worry your pretty little head I won't bore you with the humdrum details which torture me every waking moment.
Seriously though I realised it's been years since I've actually felt hunger, I mean that empty growling feeling in your stomach that won't leave you be. This is not good, it means I'm eating three times a day because that's what you do. So the other day I went to bed without any supper, just to see what would happen. I woke up feeling fine and I still wasn't hungry. I had breakfast though, because it is the most important meal of the day, isn't it? I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot.
Another thing I've noticed which has made me feel more motivated is a little bit of stretching in the morning, nothing special, a few shoulder rolls, a couple of deep breaths whilst raising my arms above my head. It feels great. I thought I'd do yoga in my ideal world, but I have to admit to myself I can't be bothered, I don't have the space in my room and the idea of throwing myself around first thing in the morning is less attractive than putting the kettle on and having a nice cup of tea.
I also decided to stop standing on the scales and to measure my success by the clothes I can't get into, or which I'm insisting on wearing even though they restrict my circulation and prevent me from sitting down comfortably. I had a wedding last weekend, and in my head I was going to wear a beautiful dress which I haven't worn for a while. I put it on and was shocked to see it no longer hung gracefully from my shoulders, lightly hugging my bosom and hips before falling to the floor, it was clingy and rucked up as I walked making me feel like a badly wrapped christmas present. Needless to say I had to shelve the dress and choose another 'post maternity' item which was decidely less glamorous.
I have jeans which I can only dream about getting past my knees and a whole pile of sports clothes which are gathering dust in the back of my wardrobe. I hope, by focussing on my size rather than my weight, to overcome my propensity to get depressed and pig out on ice cream and biscuits with a dollop of nutella on top for good measure.
Wish me luck!
Monday, May 27, 2013
knackered!
Yesterday we went on a 'light' hike, it was actually really great., if a little rushed. We walked for four hours up hill and down dale and my Noom calculated I burnt a total of 3500 calories.
I don't know if it's accurate but I feel really good!
Haven't hopped on the scales yet, but I'm feeling confident as I have totally given up alchohol this past week and also sweet things, thanks to a yeast intolerance which has flared up again. Just the thought of setting it off is enough to put me off eating.
If I managed to get below 80 kilos I'll be dead chuffed!
I don't know if it's accurate but I feel really good!
Haven't hopped on the scales yet, but I'm feeling confident as I have totally given up alchohol this past week and also sweet things, thanks to a yeast intolerance which has flared up again. Just the thought of setting it off is enough to put me off eating.
If I managed to get below 80 kilos I'll be dead chuffed!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
choc shock
Just before I go to bed, I thought I'd share the fact I finished the enormous bar of chocolate which was lying dormant in my store cupboard and have no intention of replacing it! This alone should accelerate my weight loss substantially.
Furthermore today I went for a brisk walk pushing my baby who now weighs a good 10 kilos and pushchair, for almost 2 hours. It was sweltering so hoping for the best. However, have no plans to hop on the scales yet as seriously eating sackloads of rabbit food and miniscule portions of carbs...apart from the choc, I hope to have good news next time I dare to challenge the scales' impartial judgement...
The hardest thing is keeping the plan foremost in my mind, it's all too easy to slip back into my mad bad eating habits and only afterwards remember I was supposed to be on a diet! The other thing I'm forcing myself to do is drink litres of water. In the afternoon when I'm teaching I drink half a litre for every student, so this afternoon I had four students, that's two litres of water, innumerable trips to the loo but I feel much better for it!
Yesterday I took baby and dogs out for a long walk along the seafront, it was lovely. Sunny but with a bit of a breeze, baby fell asleep for the entire time, while me and the dogs panted along, enjoying ourselves.
Feel like getting my legs out it is so hot, but am still a bit shy. Two mozzarella white wobbly sticks holding up a fat red tomato... not a pretty image unless you're preparing fingerfood for Masterchef. I started yesterday with my Birkinstocks and linen trousers. My dad once noted, 'once you get your knees brown, the rest doesn't matter.' you're probably right Dad but don't want to shock the drivers and cause a pile up due to the reflection off my startling white legs.
Nighty night
Furthermore today I went for a brisk walk pushing my baby who now weighs a good 10 kilos and pushchair, for almost 2 hours. It was sweltering so hoping for the best. However, have no plans to hop on the scales yet as seriously eating sackloads of rabbit food and miniscule portions of carbs...apart from the choc, I hope to have good news next time I dare to challenge the scales' impartial judgement...
The hardest thing is keeping the plan foremost in my mind, it's all too easy to slip back into my mad bad eating habits and only afterwards remember I was supposed to be on a diet! The other thing I'm forcing myself to do is drink litres of water. In the afternoon when I'm teaching I drink half a litre for every student, so this afternoon I had four students, that's two litres of water, innumerable trips to the loo but I feel much better for it!
Yesterday I took baby and dogs out for a long walk along the seafront, it was lovely. Sunny but with a bit of a breeze, baby fell asleep for the entire time, while me and the dogs panted along, enjoying ourselves.
Feel like getting my legs out it is so hot, but am still a bit shy. Two mozzarella white wobbly sticks holding up a fat red tomato... not a pretty image unless you're preparing fingerfood for Masterchef. I started yesterday with my Birkinstocks and linen trousers. My dad once noted, 'once you get your knees brown, the rest doesn't matter.' you're probably right Dad but don't want to shock the drivers and cause a pile up due to the reflection off my startling white legs.
Nighty night
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