FAT MUD - does it work?

So, for all you would be cellulite free fanatics out there, as promised, last night I rushed home from my sedentary job and slapped MUD on my thighs and wrapped myself in cling film.
Luckily for  the internet as a whole I couldn't find my camera, so no obscene photo's! But I can tell you it was REALLY painful.
After 7 minutes I looked up at the clock, convinced at least 15 minutes must have passed. My thighs were itching and burning so much my necck and feet were going into spasms.
After 15  minutes I nearly threw in the towel, the heat was so intense I was hopping around the kitchen with my legs splayed apart like a spatchcocked chicken groaning and whining, my two dogs looking on curiously at this new behaviour.
I thought I'd stopped doing it due to lack of time, I realised it is not only excrutiatingly, eye-wateringly painful, but also highly inconvenient. The mud is black/green and very sticky, I chose my oldest pair of primark knickers and with a 'light massage' spread it liberally over the affected areas. Then I had to get the cling film out, of course, cling film is in the cupboard drawer which sticks and you should try bending over with black mud all over your hands and legs and tugging on a crappy wooden drawer which refuses to open.
Needless to say the clingfilm is no longer foodsafe, and the contents of the drawer ended up all over the kitchen floor.
The measurement of the chubbiest part was fun too, I don't have a tape measure and so i had to cut a piece of string to size, with muddy fingers because I had aready started smearing the stuff on before I remembered I was supposed to measure the meatiness. The scissors were out of sight and so I ended up using a blunt table knife and nearly pronging myself in the process. Anyway, for the record they were both measured at 68cm. I have to go throught the suffering again tommorrow according to the instructions and then I'll measure again and see if there has been any change.
This morning I got up early and took fat dog and rat dog out for a walk, nothing special, just around the block a couple of times, but better than nothing! Still finding it easy enough to stay off the choc, although the cheese and wine isn't as easy to avoid...
Tommorrow I hope to have a little more time and will publish my stats from the super scales I told you about.
The mud I'm using is called GUAM and is apparently a mix of algae from unpolluted seas and mud. Is there a sea which can still be classified as unpolluted I ask myself? Anyway, it brought back memories of my best friend Jo and I , aged 12 wallowing in the mud near Southend pier and laughing about the idiots who paid good money to have it slapped on...