Shhh! I'm trying again. It's an addiction. I'm embarassed about my inability to lose weight, my insufficient blogging and my general failure. So even though I've decided to carry on writing and letting it all hang out both figuratively and, unfortunately,actually, I want to let you know that you shouldn't expect great things from me or this blog. Don't start to read it hoping it will motivate you to lose weight, get fit or become sexier. Move on to the next one if that's what you're looking for. This is no place for genuine go getters!
Let's just keep it low key, just between you, me and the garden post. I haven't even told my husband, I'm just trying to eat less daily and waiting for the fat to decide there's a better place to hang out. Preferably on someone else's chin, thighs, buttocks...
In the meantime, my game plan is this, eat everything I want but a lot less of it.
For example I started weighing my pasta the other day, I'd heard a dieting 40 yr old woman (sigh) should have a portion weighing 50grams. Try it, put 50 grammes of pasta on the scales.
It is depressing, and scary to realise I''ve been used to eating four times that amount and now I started to wonder how will I survive? Well I bulked up on the pasta sauce, all made by me so I know there's no added sugar, salt or fat in fact my hubby already guessed I was back on the dieting wagon because the pasta sauce tasted 'insipid'. He gave me a meaningful look and said, 'You're going to tell me your back on a diet again aren't you?' I replied haughtily, 'I'm not going to tell you.' by which I mean literally don't worry your pretty little head I won't bore you with the humdrum details which torture me every waking moment.
Seriously though I realised it's been years since I've actually felt hunger, I mean that empty growling feeling in your stomach that won't leave you be. This is not good, it means I'm eating three times a day because that's what you do. So the other day I went to bed without any supper, just to see what would happen. I woke up feeling fine and I still wasn't hungry. I had breakfast though, because it is the most important meal of the day, isn't it? I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot.
Another thing I've noticed which has made me feel more motivated is a little bit of stretching in the morning, nothing special, a few shoulder rolls, a couple of deep breaths whilst raising my arms above my head. It feels great. I thought I'd do yoga in my ideal world, but I have to admit to myself I can't be bothered, I don't have the space in my room and the idea of throwing myself around first thing in the morning is less attractive than putting the kettle on and having a nice cup of tea.
I also decided to stop standing on the scales and to measure my success by the clothes I can't get into, or which I'm insisting on wearing even though they restrict my circulation and prevent me from sitting down comfortably. I had a wedding last weekend, and in my head I was going to wear a beautiful dress which I haven't worn for a while. I put it on and was shocked to see it no longer hung gracefully from my shoulders, lightly hugging my bosom and hips before falling to the floor, it was clingy and rucked up as I walked making me feel like a badly wrapped christmas present. Needless to say I had to shelve the dress and choose another 'post maternity' item which was decidely less glamorous.
I have jeans which I can only dream about getting past my knees and a whole pile of sports clothes which are gathering dust in the back of my wardrobe. I hope, by focussing on my size rather than my weight, to overcome my propensity to get depressed and pig out on ice cream and biscuits with a dollop of nutella on top for good measure.
Wish me luck!
No comments:
Post a Comment